Break-Ups

So...I haven't really blogged about anything really personal yet, mainly because like I said, I don't really like to let people know about that kind of stuff...but I don't think many people read this, so I just kinda need to unload. Topic: break-ups.

I've realized that with every break-up, my heart gets a little harder and I get better at pretending it doesn't bother me. I've had 3 boyfriends since I've moved here. The first one was Preston. I started dating him before I even moved to Nashville, and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for him, I may not have moved here. I believe that God put him in my life at the perfect time because He knew I needed a little incentive to get my butt down here and I was too much of a "home body" to just up and leave my family just because I wanted to take a risk on my music career. So that begins the story of Preston. We started dating in May of 2005 and I moved to Nashville in September of 2005. I still to this day can't really describe what it was about him that made me fall soooo deep in love with Preston, but i fell HARD. He was the first guy I ever TRUELY 100% gave my heart to. I would have done anything in the world for him...and I pretty much did. I put everything in MY life on hold to be "preston's girlfriend"....and for the first year and a half I lived in Nashville, that's pretty much all I was. My mom and I would get in huge arguements because she knew I wasn't doing what I moved down here to do, and in the back of my mind, I knew it too, but I was too concerned with being with Preston. I loved him more than I've ever loved any guy I've ever been with....to this day. He had some hold on me that I still don't understand. I think there's just something about that first love that you can't ever get over. Ever. I still think about him often. We broke up in December of 2006, but it lingered for another few months, so we weren't totally done with eachother till about March of 2007....that was the longest relationship I have ever been in. I think it's crazy that I've lived down the street from him for the past year now...I have been working across the street from the Wildhorse when he's had shows there, and I have yet to see him in almost 2 years...it's almost like God knows that I will always have the weakness for him in my heart and He is protecting me from ever falling back into it. It's not where I'm supposed to be, no matter how much I ever wanted it to be. But for the rest of my life, Preston will be my 1st true love...and I don't think I'll ever totally get over him.

It's hard comparing other guys back to Preston and the way I felt when I was with him, because I've never quite felt what I felt for him for anyone else. There have been times when it was close...but never the same.

(Plus, Preston gave me the best thing in my life....Jaggy) :)

The next guy I dated "seriously" was Nate.....oh my....Nate. That was THE WORST relationship I've ever been in. EVER. EVER EVER EVER! I can't even begin to explain because you wouldn't believe half the stuff I told you about him. He was the most selfish, arrogant, rude, insecure, annoying prick I have ever met. I was blinded once again because he was a great singer and he was good looking. The first night he met me he wanted to start planning our wedding....red flag??? Yeah....but I blame myself for being so freakin stupid and giving into the whole charade. I don't know what I was thinking...but I got way to deeply involved with him way too fast and it came back around to bite me in the ass, HARD. He insisted on moving in with me, he made me pay for half of EVERYTHING, or make me pay for all of it...He never brought me flowers, gifts...never did sweet things for me...and I'm not saying material things are what makes a relationship, but literally, this guy was the CHEAPEST jerk I've ever met. He made me go back to Kentucky with him to move him out of his apartment that he lived in with his previous girlfriend and clean the whole thing....he thought it was my "duty" as his new girlfriend to clean up all the messes that his ex-girlfriend made. I know, I know....what the hell was wrong with me?? WHO KNOWS. I'm just glad I got out of it when I did...because not 2 weeks after I finally broke it off with him, he was ENGAGED to another chick!!! HA!!!! pathetic.

Needless to say, he was a quick forget. I was literally over him in like a day. I was so glad to be out of that relationship. Oh yeah....he got so mad that I loved the Jonas Brothers that he threatened to break up with me if I didn't stop liking them......HAHAHAHAHAA! I'M NOT KIDDING!!!!

K, well the most recent guy I dated will remain nameless. People who know me know who he is. But I'm not gonna slam him, there's no reason for it really. I instantly fell for him...he was so much fun, he made me laugh more than anyone ever has. We weren't even together very long, but I had a crazy connection with him...and I'll miss it a lot. He just had some stuff he needed to work out on his own time....and I didn't need to be in his way....it makes me sad. I saw a future with him...he made me genuinely happy. I wanted him to be the one I was with for a long time, and I really thought he would be....but sometimes things just fall apart, and that's what happened. We've only been broken up for like a week, and we're trying to be friends....which is good, cause I would miss him too much if we weren't. He's someone though that I wonder why God brought him into my life for such a short time. I feel like I was given my favorite candy bar and then someone took it away from me when I was only half way through with it....I'm just kind of left thinking, "wait, i thought that was mine..." but it never really was i guess....

It wasn't a bad break up, it was actually one of the "best" break ups I've ever been through...but I think I'll always be dissappointed with the way things turned out with him because I saw great potential with our relationship...

I've had other guys I've been interested in along the way...I've gone on dates and spent time with guys, but those 3 were my most substantial relationships since I've lived here and I guess I just kinda felt like taking a look back on them tonight...I don't regret any of them because they have all had a very obvious purpose in my life....I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for all of them...and even though I feel like I've been put through a literal hell with these relationships combined, I have learned a lot from each of them....

I'm not ready to meet "the one" yet...and I don't think I will for awhile...but I am ready to meet the one who will treat me right. With respect, consideration, loyalty...the things that I believe I deserve from a man. Because when you give me those things, I will always give them back to you.

xoxox

Emily