Change.

My whole life has changed direction in a matter of a week. I've had major life changes before, but never so many in such a short time. It's such a strange/scary feeling to have complete security on a day to day basis and then all the sudden you feel like you're walking on a 2 foot plank hundreds of feet off the ground...nothing to grab onto, nothing below to catch you if you fall...this is how I have felt for the past week.

1. My grandpa died a week ago today. I rushed home last Saturday, leaving Jaggy with Rob for the week I was there. I was really starting to miss home, but this was not a reason I was glad to be there. He was a great grandpa...he cared so much about his grand kids, I think to make up for his short comings as a dad to my mom and uncle, my Mom would tell you this same thing. He loved me so much, everytime I would go over to their house when I was home he would ask me if I was a hillbilly like my grandma now since I lived in TN. (She grew up in TN). I get my sense of humor from him. I'll miss him so much.

2. In the week I was home I "lost" pretty much every close friend I have here in Nashville. By lost I mean I realized what horrible people they really are. I'm not going to go into detail, but some things happened that really made me see them for the type of people they really are. I have decided to remove them all from my life, completely. Along with the places they hang out, which include Buckwild, and other places downtown. I'm taking a break from that whole "world" for awhile....It was starting to change me into the type of person that my "friends" were..and that's someone I never want to be. I need a change of lifestyle. No more going out every night, no more drinking, no more stupid guys, MORE focus on my music, MORE focus on my relationships that actually matter, MORE focus on God. Simple enough.

3. I thought I had a new job all in place, and it's turned out to not be what I thought, sooooo I'm still looking for a job...which I hate doing.

4. Apparently I got one to many speeding tickets and I have a "suspended license" until June.....awesome....could one more bad thing happen?? I always think no, but then something does! I'm trying sooo hard to keep that "positive thinking" thing going, but it's getting a little difficult to think positive when everything seems to be crumbling right before my eyes.

5. I've realized my heart belongs to someone....and I hurt him. He's everything, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my reason for laughing and smiling everyday....I miss him. He knows who he is. I'm sorry. I love you.